You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Randomize
