sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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