I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Randomize
