New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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