paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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