I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Randomize
