Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
