My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
