one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
