hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
