I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
