Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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