im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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