My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I slept naked with a towel wrapped around my waist in case I pissed the bed again
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
