Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
Randomize
