Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
