If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
