Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
