Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
Randomize
