I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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