I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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