He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
