If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Randomize
