Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
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