My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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