I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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