tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I understand Curling. That high.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
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