the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
