thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
