Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Randomize
