He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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