Swine flu. Run for my life!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
