It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I don't know what was up he just kept sitting in his chair smoking weed and watching home movies all night it was weird as fuck.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
