Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize