I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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