You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
Randomize
