They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
Quick, to the slutcave!
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
