Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
Randomize
