i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize