I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
