i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I need a hoe opinion
go on
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
