You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
Randomize
