i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
He shit in the fireplace
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