I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
