Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
