You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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