He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Cause a man that looks THAT good must have an ass that tastes like lucky charms
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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