is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
