shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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