just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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