is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
