So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize