the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
