Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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