yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm pretty sure male strippers are the last things I need in my life right now.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
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