so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
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