Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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