highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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