I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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