I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Randomize
