So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
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