I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
