I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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