I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
