I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Help. Why am I so naked?
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