I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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