I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
