dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
He shit in the fireplace
Randomize
