well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Randomize
